Single Parent’s Nightmare – How To Re-enter The Dating Scene

Even when you knew it was coming, becoming a single parent can be an unexpected shock. A few years out of the dating scene, and you forget how to do it. Don’t feel different. It’s never easy to date, and dating as a new single parent is a real challenge.
It’s been years since you dressed up and went out with someone for a pleasant evening. You’ve forgotten what to say and what to do. You feel awkward and clumsy. You may have put on a few pounds or grown some new grey hairs. Let’s face it, you’re terrified.
Well, dating isn’t easy – even for singles without kids. It’s hard to meet people. It’s hard to know when someone’s safe and dependable. You never know what you’ll get until you go out, and then you’re stuck – at least for an hour or so. Dating’s just not the devil-may-care fun some people crack it up to be.
To be comfortable with dating, you have to have been dating for a while. You have to build up your dating repertoire. You have to exercise those social and emotional “dating muscles,” muscles that easily atrophy without regular use.
But don’t worry. It’ll be all right. All you need is some refreshers to get back into the dating game. A little conversation, a cup of coffee, a walk in the park – all you need is a few simple successes to regain confidence and tone those atrophied dating muscles. After some experience and some fun dates, you’ll be back in the swing of it.
Before you start dating again, though, you’ll want to do some inside work – you’ll want to get yourself in peak dating shape. Here are some tips that may get you off to the right start.
* Tie up loose ends.
Before you start dating and getting involved in new relationships, you want to be sure that your past is indeed your past. If you’re still reeling from rejection, abandonment, or tragic loss, you need to give yourself time to grieve and heal. It takes about a year for people to get through the normal grieving process, so don’t rush yourself. And if there are financial matters still up in the air, get them settled and done. You don’t want to start dating while you’re still trying to work out financial and legal details. Once you’ve gotten through the grief process and settled business matters, it’s time to move on with your life.
* Understand your motives.
Why do you want to date again? Is it because your best friend thinks you should? The only good reason to date is because you want to. Maybe you want simple companionship and someone to do things with. It’s okay if you’re not ready to enter into a serious relationship. In fact, you probably shouldn’t yet.
Are you so lonely that you’d go out with anyone? Loneliness isn’t a good reason for dating either. If you’re so desperate that you’ll say yes to the first one that comes along, you’re opening yourself up for disappointment, aggravation, and hurt. When you date, it’s because you want to spend time with another person because you like them and want to know them better. Unless you’re truly interested in a potential date, drop it.
When you want to date because you need time to relax with an interesting person, it’s time to start dating.
* Get your life in order.
Single parents have special responsibilities and demands. You have to balance the need to earn a living with the need to raise happy healthy children. There may seem to be little or no time left over for dating.
That’s why it’s important to set your priorities and set up a calendar. Planning to attend school functions, put in those extra hours at work, and have some social life is essential. As a single parent, those spur-of-the-moment dates are most likely impossible. Recognize the limitations and adjust your expectations.
You’ll be a much more interesting date if you’re not worried about yesterday’s laundry or tomorrow’s lunches. When you get the chance to go out for a pleasant romantic evening, you don’t want to be preoccupied with the chores and worries of the day. It’s your time to relax and have fun. Having and keeping up with a regular routine will help you do that.
You’ll also need to arrange for baby-sitters, let people know where you’ll be and when you’ll be back, and carry a cell phone with you for emergencies. Daters who are not also parents may not have those needs. These are things you can’t jump into. You need advance notice to get your life in order and be ready to relax and have fun on your special date.
* Stay Interested to Stay Interesting
Even though your schedule is tight and your days are full, you need to be a well-rounded person to be an interesting date. Be sure to take personal time and keep your mind active in spite of the household chaos. Read a book. Go to a lecture. Take the kids to a museum. Learn something new. Take on a new hobby that your kids will enjoy too. Making personal growth a family affair can’t be a losing proposition.
Maintain your friendships and family relationships. Even if you’re not dating, it’s important to have social contact with other adults. Invite your friends or family over for dinner or wrangle an invitation to go to their house. Plan some adult-only activities so that you can have adult conversations and keep up with current events. Stay active.
Take care of your health. Find ways to get regular exercise. Walks with the kids, visits to the local park or nature preserve, and workouts will keep you fit and healthy. You’ve got a lot of stress in your life, and exercise will help work that stress off and out. You’ll be a more relaxed human being if you are a healthy human being.
Life as a single parent can come suddenly, without warning. Even when you know it’s coming, it’s a shock when your whole life changes. When you have children, those changes come with heavy burdens and difficult challenges.
Returning to the dating scene can be a frightening experience, but you can learn to enjoy dating when you take the steps necessary to build a strong, stable lifestyle and family.

Dating For Single Parent – Tips To Identify The Right Time To Date

Becoming a single parent isn’t an end. It’s a beginning. Your new lifestyle is full of responsibility and challenges. It may be more important now than ever that you find time for yourself. You need to relax and have fun. It may have been a while, but you can date now.
You may not be ready to enter into a new relationship, but that doesn’t mean you can’t go out and have a good time with friends. Dating old friends is a great way to re-enter the single world and renew old friendships. They already know you, and they’re easy to talk to. You need someone now to talk to and to ask for advice. Old friends may also be a source for help around the house or at work.
But if you’re interested in meeting new people and getting into a more serious relationship, you may want to do some real-life dating. But dating as a new single parent can present unique challenges. Demands on your time may already be great.
Taking care of the kids, earning a living, and maintaining your household are time-consuming chores. That makes it even more important to make time for your own fun and relaxation. But time management skills will definitely be needed to keep your life from being chaotic and stressful.
You may be emotionally raw at this time. Whether you’ve lost your partner through separation, divorce, or death, you’re going through some really big life changes. You need to be careful not to jump into the first relationship that comes along. You need to have fun, but you also need some time to heal and become independent again.
Here are some things to consider:
Am I ready to date yet?
Re-entering the single scene can be frightening. You may not feel self-confident about your looks, or you may feel that you’ve lost some important social skills. But fear of dating shouldn’t be a deciding factor. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to take that big step to have a normal life again.
There are some things to think about, though. You’re coming through a difficult time, and you may be emotionally vulnerable and confused. You may not have the judgment to see your dates’ flaws. You must take care to protect yourself and your children from predators and people that will use you.
Are you prepared to tell your children you’re dating? Your kids are also going through a big change, and they may be insecure or jealous if a new adult is introduced to the family. Have you prepared them for this? Do they understand your feelings and support you? If your children aren’t ready for you to date, you may not be. But there’s a limit. The important thing is to be honest and open with them about what you need and want. After all, they aren’t dating the person. You are. Just keep the lines of communication open and clear.
Getting into relationships too soon is a common mistake for newly-single parents. You’re accustomed to being part of a couple and feel awkward and self-conscious going out alone. You may not be finished with the old relationship. Losing a partner, no matter how, involves going through a grieving process to heal emotionally and re-establish a normal life. Studies show that it takes at least a year for people to process their loss and move on. Be sure you’ve given yourself enough time to heal.
You may also need to tie up loose ends from the previous relationship. There may be financial and legal matters still open that must be closed. If your partner passed away, you’ll need to settle the estate, dispose of property, and finalize insurance issues. Better to focus on the business at hand while you’re grieving than to introduce a new complication into an already-complicated life.
You also need to take time to help your children grieve the loss. They may be feeling abandoned, and they’ll need your love, support, and encouragement to move forward. And they need to build a new relationship with you, one where you’re the only parent. Dating too soon can cheat them of this important time with you and create behavioral problems that are not easy to solve. Take it slow for their sake and for yours.
How do single parents find people to date?
It’s probably been a long time since you were in the dating scene, and you may have lost touch with your single friends and activities. One way to meet new people is through your friends. Perhaps your best friend knows someone they think would be perfect for you. Take a chance. Go on a blind date.
You also have a constraint that many singles don’t: time. It’s important for you to plan your social activities well in advance so you can get a baby-sitter or make other arrangements for your children. So, whatever you do to meet new people can’t be a spur-of-the-moment decision.
Many areas have singles groups where you can meet other unattached people. As long as you don’t have to make commitments, this is a great way to meet people. Group social activities are fun and safe. You get a chance to get to know people before being alone with them.
You may even be able to find social groups specifically for single parents. This way, you’ll meet people whose lives are more like yours. They have the same challenges and problems. You may find it easier to relate to another single parent, and certainly they will be more understanding when something comes up at the last minute.
What about relationships?
You are the only person who knows if you’re ready to start a serious relationship. Of course, you are not alone, and your children will influence your readiness and willingness to get into a relationship.
You need to be very clear in your own mind about where you are and what you want. Perhaps you only want companionship and social contact. If you’re not ready to get serious, let your dates know. Don’t allow yourself to become more involved than you can handle emotionally. Your first few dates shouldn’t be serious, and you don’t need to involve your children with your casual dates.
But if you’re lonely and feel you need someone to love, you may be more interested in getting serious. First, you must ask yourself why. Getting into a serious relationship because you’re lonely isn’t a great idea. You want to get involved with a person, not just fill a hole in your life. Be sure of your motives before you allow things to get to serious.
What to do when on a date?
You’ll want to know that your dates will be both fun and safe. Your family depends on you, and taking chances to date isn’t wise. Always be sure someone knows where you’re going and who you’re going with. Let them know when you’ll be home, and take your cell phone with you in case of an emergency. Let your date know about your family and that you might get a call. No surprises is a good policy.
When you go out, you’ll want to do something that helps you get to know each other. Look for places where you can talk and activities that encourage conversation and interaction. Movies aren’t a good idea for those first few dates because they don’t provide a good get-to-know-you environment. Better to go bowling or play miniature golf than to go to a movie.
For first dates especially, it’s important that you go to public places. Your personal safety is very important, and you don’t want to take chances with people you don’t know. You might even want to arrange to meet your date somewhere so that you aren’t dependent on them for your ride home.